Christmas has passed and we're coming closer to New Years Eve.
This year has been difficult when it comes to my creative side. I've taken a break from all "musts" and I've tried to let go of the thoughts were I force myself to create for others. Thinking this would be the trick for unlocking new, more interesting, projects hidden inside me.
But suddenly all my little ideas have vanished, I'm sitting there with my idea-block only to realize that I simply have no ideas. I get sad. Then I get angry. Is this my fault? Should I be blaming it on someone or something else? That's easier than blaming myself I guess. Is my job ruining my personal creativity? Or am I simply out of ideas? Forever? Is that possible? The less I create the more scared I get of it. Suddenly I don't stroke paint brushes with this tingling sensation in my body but with fear.
Although I'm blessed with knowing many creative people, I don't know someone who's feeling like me at the moment. Someone who's simply scared about the ideas and the creativity disappearing.
That's the creative part.
A part that I'm more happy about is a psychological one. After university I've been looking closer into why I tend to worry more than others, I want to work with this while I'm young. Being sensitive is important in many aspects, but my worrying was starting to get pointless.
During the past months I've developed a way of working with my thoughts where I simply drop the useless ones. I don't need to think about this, the thought doesn't help me in any way - so bye thought. It's like when you meditate, you just see the thoughts and let them pass. It might sound like nothing but it's been great for me :)
A big base in finding inner peace is learning to control and focusing on your breathing. So yes, calming your breath calms your body – but it doesn't change your thoughts. It's important to have this in mind. To work on both your breathing and your thoughts.
However, I've always hated all breathing exercises. Really, all of them. Meditation and yoga didn't help my breathing either. I just got annoyed, this controlled breathing was just shouting at me you should be calming down now, halluuu? Get calm!!
It didn't give me peace. Duh. Starting meditation or yoga with that goal just failed. However, during april this year I started going to hot yoga (moksha, not bikram) in order to fix my lower back that was starting to protesting against sitting in a chair all day. I hear you back, it's no fun! I also had to fix some neck-problems due to almost breaking it in a diving-class I took during spring (in attempt to letting go of fears... maybe jumping from 7,5 meter up helped - not sure yet).
The hot yoga was fun and more challenging than regular yoga without heat so I kept going even after my back was fixed (hot yoga pretty much fixes every single back problem, the studio is filled with success stories). In the heat, you have to learn to breath slowly through the nose, otherwise your breath will run away and you'll get exhausted. So, I'm finally learning how to control my breath by staying in the postures. A much more effective and fun way to learn about breathing.
Psychology in Sweden often turns to CBT, Cognitive behavioral Therapy. But there is a new method, friends with this one, called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. There's a really popular book about this by Russ Harris (The happiness trap) which I recommend to any- and everyone. CBT is a lot about changing the way you think. ACT makes you realize that thoughts are just thoughts and helps you make them silly and stop taking them so seriously. So in other words, it helps you accept things as they are. Which has been a much more effective way for me.
Hmm... and actually having written this I realize that what I've learned about my mind might have been a bigger achievement this year than if I'd produced more pictures.
So, let's welcome the new year – I've got no idea what I'll learn this time.