17 January 2011

oh no in my head

A pretty long time ago someone said that I always write negative stuff on my blog. And since then I've tried to leave my angry thoughts outside this place (with the occasional complains on some posts), but now I've had such a grey gue in my brain for some time that I think it might help to write it off. I don't have a journal so there isn't really any other place I could write(maybe on toilet paper).

If there is such a thing as a past life, I think I must have been one of those over working animals... like ants. Carrying big balls of rabbit poo to my queen every day. I feel so stressed to work all the time. Or maybe, not so much to work work, but to somehow realize how I can make photography to work. One of the things that keeps surprising me ever since high school is how little one(that being me) knows about how to get a foot out in to the world. Simple things like getting the right contacts, getting advertisement and knowing when to invest big on an idea.
The only thing people say in the art business is that you need to network. Network network network. That's all the advice you gets. But sometimes you aren't really sure how to do that either.
Sometimes you see someone young and talented who does something really well, and you feel so happy for them. But sometimes, you see someone who does exactly what you want to do and then it's harder to feel super happy, you just feel really JELOUS and then a little sad and then maybe a tad angry. When you're over those three emotions you might just end up at depressed. That's where I am now. And it stinks, this emotion is a depressing place to be. Being depressed is depressing! Right? Yes that's right :(
So what then? Should I work as an assistant? Freelance for newspapers (iek)? Open a studio? Apply for money/scholarships and start my own project that I try to publish later? Contact publishers and discuss what ideas could be interesting for their company? Photograph new faces for model agencies?
I mean sure, a simple answers would be - yes, try to do all those things. But my negative brain can hear the answer to most of those ideas, and they often end with "no, we don't need more photographers", "there is no money" or "you want to photograph dogs??". Well yes... I would actually like to photograph dogs, or any other animals. So my question is, how did William Wegman, Rachael Hale, Gandee Vasan and Sharon Montrose do it?

Jajaja, school starts tomorrow and then I'll have other things on my mind. This always happens when I have a long break, I start thinking about things... and then about the future... and about ever getting a job... and then I just go c-c-craaazy.

The quick sketch above is an idea for sketches I will do during my classes this semester, animals on fancy chairs.


  1. SLOOOW DOWN...take a deep breath. You'r ONLY 22 years old for HEAVEN'S SAKE. Your sister is 26 and still doesn't know exactly what to do with her life. you are in way too much hurry. And I still think u should come down to south italy this summer...which will be much healthier for you then sitting at home depressed or working in Lund as a cleaner!!!

  2. men... jag vill ju jobba som parkarbetare...hih... räffsa i buskar och så en t-shirt bränna ;)